It Always Starts With Words
by Dragonsmaidan
Summary: Morgan says something he shouldn't have and Reid overhears him. Can their relationship be saved?


**It Always Starts With Words**

**Disclaimer: The only part of Criminal Minds I own is the first four seasons on DVD. Nor do I own the scenes/dialogue you recognize from the episodes **_**Soul Mate **_**and **_**Omnivore.**_

**A/N: This story was inspired by the video and song **_**The Moment I Said It**__**by cursd818**_**. This story contains spoilers from season 4. Don't say you weren't warned. As always reviews are welcome and appreciated.**

It had been days; Reid wouldn't even really look at him. He couldn't even explain why he'd said it to William Harris. He didn't mean it; he loved Reid.

_Morgan was sitting in an interrogation room with William Harris staring him down. "I have absolutely no idea what it's like to be in love with another man."_

Morgan closed his eyes at the memory. Everything about that case had just hit to close to home. He kicked a stone in front of him then sat down heavily on the curb.

It was dark, Morgan had come to Reid's house to beg his forgiveness and to try and explain. He'd looked in Reid's front window and only darkness had met his eyes. He'd hoped Reid had just gone to bed early, but he doubted it. His gut clenched hotly and he felt tears stinging the back of his eyelids. He squeezed his eyes shut willing himself not to cry.

--

"Reid!" Morgan jogged a little to catch up with the younger agent.

Reid turned and gave Morgan a questioning look.

"Can we talk?" Morgan was growing very desperate.

"I don't really have time." Reid gave Morgan a grim look and walked away with no further explanation.

Morgan's shoulders slumped; he hadn't seen Reid act like this since Tobias Hankel. Morgan gasped and walked quickly to Garcia's office.

"Hey Chocolate Bear." Garcia greeted him cheerfully. One look at his face and her tone changed. "What's wrong?"

Morgan sat in a spare chair. "Have you noticed Reid acting different lately?"

"He's been a bit moody lately I guess," Garcia said thinking about it. "But we all get that way sometimes. Comes with the job, right?"

Morgan sighed, "I think it may be my fault. I was talking to one of the Unsubs in the case in Florida and I told him I didn't know what it was like to be in love with another man."

Garcia gave him a sympathetic look; she knew what he was going to say next from the broken look on his face.

"Reid heard me." Garcia knew it would do no good to chastise him for hurting Reid that way. She knew he was hurting enough without her help. She took Morgan's hand.

"I'm afraid he's using again." Garcia looked up sharply at Morgan's words.

"He wouldn't do that." She couldn't believe it. Reid wouldn't do that.

"He's emotionally fragile, Garcia. He doesn't handle stress and emotions well. He turns in on himself." Morgan swiped a hand in front of his eyes.

"Derek," Garcia waited until he looked at her. "If you think he's doing drugs again you have to confront him about it. If he is and he gets caught," she paused before continuing. "He could lose his job," she swallowed. "Or worse."

"I know." Morgan's voice was strained. He knew what he needed to do. He was just afraid it was all his fault. "He'd been clean for so long. If I screwed that up…." He couldn't continue; the guilt overwhelmed him.

Garcia rolled her chair closer and pulled Morgan into a hug. She wanted to tell him it would be okay, but she just couldn't raise his hopes like that not when she couldn't guarantee it; he was too fragile, no matter how strong he pretended to be.

--

"Reid." Morgan grabbed his arm gently as he was walking out the door of the conference room after their weekly meeting.

Reid jerked back, but Morgan was quick and shut the door holding his hand in front of it blocking Reid's exit.

"We need to talk." Reid made no move except to cross his arms in front of his chest and glare at Morgan.

"I've never seen you like this. Reid, are you using again?"

"What?" The glare flicked to one of shock and hurt before finally settling on anger. "How can you even ask me that? Raised voice raised.

Morgan stood his ground, still in front of the door. "You're moody all the time. You keep darting off to various places when I try and talk to you. You're always getting home late." Morgan stopped, the look on Reid's face told him immediately he shouldn't have said the last bit. He'd finally crossed the line.

"You went to my house? You've been watching me?" Reid wasn't yelling anymore. His voice was deathly calm.

"I was worried. I wanted to talk. You weren't home." Morgan tried to explain.

"Did you ever think that maybe I didn't want to be around you?" The tone was one Reid had used with Prentiss during his drug use, one his often used with local cops when they doubted him, and one he had even used with Hotch when they had been working the case in Texas, where Reid had seen so much of himself in the Unsub, but he had never used that tone with Morgan. Even in times of extreme agitation. It hurt Morgan more than Reid's actual words.

"Look Reid, I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that to Harris. I wasn't thinking. It just slipped out." Morgan tried to apologize.

"You really think that's all this is about?" Reid's voice was still too quiet. Morgan looked confused but decided it was best to let Reid explain incase he said something else wrong.

Reid sighed heavily and uncrossed his arms slipping them inside his pockets. "I was upset about what you said to Harris, but I know you didn't mean it. It just got me thinking, about us, about how we were, about the case and soul mates, about your flaws and mine. Suddenly you were everywhere when I didn't want you around. You were never there when I needed you. You always wanted to talk when I wanted quiet." Reid's whole body seemed to sag as if there was an enormous weight on his shoulders. "Do you want to know why I've been getting home late?" He looked at Morgan who just looked back trying to absorb everything Reid was saying.

"I was at NA meetings. I needed support to make sure I stayed clean. I know the potential consequences if I start using again." Reid stared hard at Morgan and withdrew his left hand from his pocket, with something in it Morgan couldn't see, and placed it on the table in front of him. "I should have been able to go to you, but I couldn't. And I was right. You don't trust me to take care of myself. You immediately think I'm using." Reid moved until he was standing right in front of Morgan and placed his hands on either side of Morgan's face leaning in and giving him a gentle kiss. It frightened Morgan; it felt final, like a goodbye.

Reid pulled away and walked to the door pulling it open. He paused in the doorway and turned. "I'm sorry Derek. I need time to think, goodbye."

Reid pulled the door closed. Morgan could only stand in shock. After a few minutes he looked at the table and was devastated. A small key ring with a cute hokey keychain, with some witty saying, bought at some out of the way little tourist trap, in a state Morgan couldn't even remember, sat on the table a silver key attached.

Morgan had forgotten Reid had even had it. It was the spare key to his apartment; he had given it to Reid as a six-month anniversary present. That had been almost a year and a half ago. They had even been talking of moving in together before this whole mess had started.

Morgan walked over and picked up the key clutching it in his hand, squeezing his eye shut again, a single tear slipping beneath his closed eyelids

--

It had been three months since Reid had given Morgan his key back. Though it had nearly killed Morgan, he pretended like everything was normal between them. They had to remain professional or both of them could lose their jobs. However, every time Reid walked into the room Morgan's breath caught and memories of their times together flashed in his head. Year's of being around profilers had taught Morgan how to keep his emotions in check, Morgan hoped it was the same with Reid and he was just protecting his emotions from others and that he hadn't just forgotten about "them".

They were working on a case in Boston. It was frustrating them all. The Reaper was, it seemed, ten steps ahead of them. He had just killed ten people on a bus and they were trying to figure out what the numbers he had written in blood on the windows of the bus meant.

"1439. The apartment you interviewed him in today was 1439 Yarborough." Reid said looking up at the map.

Rossi pulled out his notepad where he had written all the addresses. They matched.

"We'll split up and cover each address." Hotch said moving away from the table. He called to Rossi, "I want you and Emily to take 1439. Morgan and I will take 1488. Reid," he turned to the youngest agent who was strapping and his FBI vest." I want you and Detective Marrow to take 201."

Reid shifted uncomfortably. Morgan moved between him and Hotch. "I'll go with Detective Marrow. You take Reid with you." Morgan couldn't help still trying to protect Reid, even if it was just an uncomfortable car ride with a strange Detective. Hotch nodded curtly and finished strapping on his gear before leading Reid out to their SUV.

"Ready?" Detective Marrow asked Morgan as he checked his gun one last time. Morgan nodded and they headed to the car.

The ride was silent and tense. They pulled up to the curb outside the house and stepped out. "I'll take the back," Marrow said.

Morgan nodded. He ran up the front steps and quickly pushed open the front door, gun raised in front of him, flashlight on. He moved cautiously in front of the window to check behind a chair. The next thing he knew, he being hit by someone in the side running full force. His feet lifted off the ground as he flew threw the window behind him, glass shattering everywhere. His head hit the ground hard, his eyes saw a masked face, then everything went black.

--

When Morgan opened his eyes the first thing he saw was blinding red and white lights and a paramedic standing over him.

"You're awake." It was a statement not a question. The paramedic pulled out a flashlight and shined the harsh light directly into Morgan's eyes, making him wince. Morgan closed his eyes again as the paramedic checked him for broken bones. He groaned as the man helped him sit up and went about checking for signs of a concussion.

As the paramedic helped Morgan to his feet he accidentally brushed Morgan's arm making Morgan hiss in pain. "Sorry, you're lucky you know. We just need to get this glass out and stitch you up and you'll be good to go." Morgan grimaced. At least he was alive.

Morgan groaned as he sat down on a table in Foyet's living room. He looked up and saw a gurney baring a sheet-covered body that Morgan was almost positive was Detective Marrow. He could feel the anger and guilt build in himself.

The paramedic pulled out some scissors and cut the side of his shirt so he wouldn't disturb the glass when he pulled it off. As he pulled the other uncut half off with his free hand he heard the sound of hurried footfalls indicating someone else had entered the room.

As his shirt cleared his head, Morgan's eyes found Reid standing in from of him. He tossed the shirt aside. Reid's eyes were wide and full of relief; like he wanted to do nothing more than take Morgan into his arms if only to reassure himself that Morgan was there and still alive.

Reid took a tentative step closer to Morgan; reaching out with his hand like a peace offering. "I'm sorry," his voice was trembling, as were his fingers. "It should have been me."

Morgan reached out with his good hand and took Reid's in his own, lacing their fingers. "I'm glad it wasn't. I couldn't have lost you." Morgan winced and involuntarily squeezed Reid's hands as the first piece of glass was removed from his shoulder. Reid squeezed back in a reassuring way.

"Morgan when we get back to the station can we talk? About us?" Reid's voice was soft and just as he finished speaking Prentiss walked through the door. Reid and Morgan quickly dropped each other's hands, and if Prentiss noticed anything she didn't comment. Morgan gave a nod to Reid letting him know he definitely wanted to talk later. Reid swiftly moved towards the rear of the house.

Hotch followed Prentiss shortly as the paramedic continued to pull glass shards from Morgan's arm.

Morgan turned to his boss. "He took my credentials." He couldn't believe the Reaper had one-upped him like that.

Hotch looked down at him. "The important thing is you're okay."

Morgan looked down. He didn't feel okay. He held up a bullet. "He left me this." He had found it beneath his fingertips when the paramedic had shaken him awake.

Hotch look down at the golden object in Morgan's fingers. "Power and manipulation. Don't let him get to you."

Morgan stared at the bullet as Hotch walked towards the back of the house to join Reid. "Yeah right." Maybe it was easy for Hotch, but it was hard for Morgan to just let things like this go.

The paramedic pulled out a large piece of glass and Morgan winced violently. "Come one man," he said looking over his shoulder.

Morgan turned to Prentiss. "Prentiss he's telling me 'I had you'."

She leaned down slightly. "Morgan you're alive."

Morgan felt his anger and frustration start to bubble again, he was tired of people pointing that out to him, and this time there was no Reid to calm him. "You know why?" He winced again as the paramedic began to stitch his arm.

"It doesn't really matter." Prentiss said trying to divert his attention.

"I'm sitting here because I was knocked out cold." Prentiss opened her mouth, but Morgan continued. "He couldn't torture me."

"He likes to interact with his victims. To tell them he's gonna kill them before he does." She said remembering the Reaper's past behavior and their profile.

"Or by letting them know he could have." Morgan held up the bullet again, shaking it slightly for emphasis.

"Hotch is right. He's just trying to get into your head." She was trying to be soothing but Morgan had had enough.

The paramedic finished the last of his stitches and Morgan grabbed an FBI jacket. Standing up he said, "Right or wrong. He had me." He walked away; he needed to clear his head.

Morgan pulled the jacket on and walked outside. The Reaper. Reid. His head was swimming. He took a deep breath and let the cool night air fill his lungs. His head was pounding and they were nowhere near done. The team still had to go back to the station and continue to work on their profile and he still had his talk with Reid.

Morgan let his head fall back and closed his eyes. He didn't know what to expect anymore. He used to be able to read the Kid like an open book. Now he had no idea. He wondered where he'd lost him. Was Reid right after all? Maybe they didn't belong.

He felt a gentle hand touch his shoulder and opened his eyes to see Prentiss, Rossi, Reid, and Hotch heading for the SUVs. He rolled his shoulders wincing once again at the pain in his him. He shook himself slightly then walked over and joined them.

--

The ride back was quiet. They would have time to speculate when they got back to the station.

"I'm gonna go get a shirt from my go bag in the locker room." Morgan told Hotch as they got out of the SUV.

"I'm going to go with him.," Reid said. "Incase he needs any help." Hotch looked at him suspiciously, but said nothing.

The moment the door to the locker room shut behind them, Reid turned and pulled Morgan to him and into a deep kiss.

Morgan was shocked. He stood frozen for a few seconds before pulling away. "What the hell? First you need time, now you're all over me?" Morgan was tired of games; he wanted an explanation.

Reid stepped back. "I'm sorry," he apologized for the second time that night, for what Morgan still wasn't sure. "I've been doing a lot of thinking these past few months." Reid turned as Morgan pulled a shirt from his go bag. "At first I couldn't sleep. Then I thought we were okay and could just be friends, but every time I looked at you," he turned back as Morgan pulled the shirt over his head. Reid licked his lips nervously. "I knew it couldn't be the same. We could never be 'just friends'. I missed you too much."

Reid sat down on one of the benches and Morgan took the seat next to him. Reid looked away, "And tonight when no one had heard from you and we couldn't make contact. I was so scared." His voice sounded thick with tears, and when he turned towards Morgan, his eyes confirmed the fact. "All I could think was that it should have been me. And if something happened to you I would never forgive myself."

"I volunteered." Morgan reminded him.

Reid shrugged. "I just suddenly realized how stupid I was being and that I had to fix it. I realized how much I need you."

Morgan placed a hand on Reid knee and looked up at him confused. "So that's it then? Suddenly we're okay? Suddenly we're fixed?" Morgan knew it wasn't that simple. It was never that simple.

Reid took a deep breath to clear some of the tears. "No, but it's a start right? And besides I think it's about all we have time for before Hotch sends out a search party." Reid attempted a feeble smile.

Morgan laughed. He wasn't quite sure why but it had been so long since he'd seen Reid smile in his direction. He guessed the alternative would have been to cry. He was just relieved they were on the road to recovery.

"Come on then Pretty Boy," Morgan said swinging an easy arm around Reid's shoulders. "Let's go catch this son of a bitch, so we can go home. I have a set of keys to my apartment with you name on them."


End file.
